Happy Mother’s Day! And just to start, if you are a
mom who spent the morning stressed and maybe was yelling at your kids to get
their shoes on and get in the car or you’d be late for church again, just know
that I see you. And I love you. You are a good mom. If you find yourself questioning
your parenting or your sanity because you daily say things like, “Why did you
cut off your eye lashes?” or “Take that diaper off your head! And put it back
on your baby brother!” or “Why are there Legos in the peanut butter” then let
me assure you are still a good mom.
I say this because I have spent many mother’s days at
church riddled with mom guilt while we listen to stories about perfect moms. I
also want to recognize that today can be very complicated for some of us. Many of us have mothers who have
passed away and today can feel heavy and sad as we wish desperately that they
were here.
Today can be hard for those women who want
children and do not have them as well as those who chosen not to.
Mother's Day can be especially difficult for
those who have lost children. And painful for those who may be estranged from their
sons or daughters, or perhaps for those whose relationships with their own
mothers are strained or filled with negativity. So rather than talk specifically about
motherhood today, I’ve chosen instead to talk about divine femininity.
I
hope that my remarks can be safe and sensitive to everyone, and can find you
for wherever you are at, in this beautiful messy thing we call life.
I
was taught a lesson just a few days ago about the sacredness of messy things. Whenever
I think about sacred things, my mind immediately goes to beautiful places: the
temple, or a breathtaking view from a mountain top, or a gentle prayer whispered
under a perfect starry sky. Sacredness seemed to always go hand in hand with
beauty. But I have recently learned that this is the exception. I would suggest
to you that it is more common for us to stand on holy ground in the messy
moments. The ugly moments. The days when our eyes are puffy, and everything has
gone wrong. When we are receptive to our Savior is often when we are at our
most vulnerable and raw. Rock bottom is a holy place. It’s not a pretty place.
But it is sacred none the less. Even for the Savior himself, the most hallowed event
in all of history, the scriptures tell us that in the garden of gethsemane that
Christ Fell on his face in the dirt and bled from every pore. The next day, the
horror and brutality of the crucifixion was unbelievable, and yet those dreadful
moments stand supreme in sacredness. Perhaps the same can be true for us that in
our personal Gethsemanes, and when we fall to our faces, that those ugly
moments can also be the most sacred moments.
This
paradoxical duality of seeing both the good and the bad, and the good within the
bad, was taught to us by a woman. It was our first mother Eve in all her wisdom
that understood and claimed with total accountability that she would accept both
the bitter with the sweet. I find in her one of the most powerful examples of
pure femininity.
One
of the unique aspects of our doctrine compared to the rest of Christendom is
our understanding of Eve. Where others may believe in the concept of original
sin and denigrate Eve as weak and easily tempted, or even a temptress; We honor
her.
In
Genesis 3:4-5 when Satan tries to beguile Eve, it reads, “And the serpent said
unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die (That is the lie). For God doth know
that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be
as gods, knowing good and evil. (That was the truth)
Yes,
Satan was trying to deceive Eve, but she did not blindly eat the fruit. He made
her question, it made her doubt, and it sent her on a soul-searching internal
journey. Ultimately, Eve chose knowledge. The knowledge of good and evil. Eve’s
choice didn’t catch heaven by surprise. The fall and redemption had always been
part of the plan. (Lund) Satan had attempted to thwart God’s will, trying to
pre-empt Him, or derail the plan, but he only acted to fulfil it.
In
preparing this talk I found an interesting point that the etymology of the
original Hebraic word “Beguile” is slightly different than our current
understanding of the word. Today, we define the word beguile as: to trick, tempt,
or mesmerize. Modernly we have lost much of the nuance from The original ancient
word in Hebrew which actually meant something closer to; struggle or ponder at
great length and with confusion. I like this definition as it brings understanding
about Eve. Too often Even gets vilified for eating the fruit, when really the
truth is that what she did was an act of sheer bravery and faith. Her choice
was a conscious, faith filled leap into the unknown, and her struggle was to do
what was right even while making mistakes along the way. (Farell) She accepted that her
choice would bring both joy and pain. I have found this same example of courage
and accountability in women in my life as they simply try to do the best they
can. Over and over again I see this trait of femininity in the fearless pursuit
of knowledge, and unwavering responsibility for their choices.
Before
I go any further, I want to make it clear that when I talk about attributes of
femininity, that I am not doing it in a competitive or exclusionary way to
men/masculinity.
The
scriptures say that “neither is man without the women, nor the woman without
the man.” I am going to share a little story to emphasize how strongly I feel
about this. Many years ago, or long, long ago, in a state far far away I was
sitting at church with my kids while someone was giving a talk similar to mine
in topic. At one point the speaker said, “Women are inherently more spiritual
than men.” When he said that I looked down the pew at my five sons. My oldest
Jonathan was a new, bright, and shiny priest, Brennan a Deacon, Ethan had just
been baptized and the twins were bouncy sunbeams. As I looked at my amazing
little boys, I knew I had to say something, so I quietly told them. “What that
man just said is not true. Women are not More spiritual than men. That was
wrong and we’ll talk about it when we get home from church.” While I believe
that speaker had the very best of intentions, I think that we need to do better
when we speak about gender and be careful to never, ever attempt to create
false competition or stereotypes about men and women.
I
do not believe that my Heavenly Mother is more spiritual than my Heavenly Father.
While I absolutely believe that masculinity and femininity are unique and
different, they exist in compliment, not competition, to each other.
I’ll
share another example from Eve to emphasize this point.
I
deeply love the scripture in Moses 5:10-11. In these two verses we get to hear the
voices of both Adam and Eve. There was a time, as a young newly wed that I
found a bit of humor when I would read it. I interpreted Eve’s follow up to in
verse 11 to Adam in verse 10 as a wifely correction. But as the years have gone
on my understanding of these verses have changed. I believe that both Adam and Eve
are teaching separate but entwined principles. As I read, I am going to
emphasize certain words.
10 And in that day Adam blessed God and was filled,
and began to prophesy concerning
all the families of the earth, saying: Blessed be the name of God, for because
of MY transgression MY eyes are
opened, and in this life I shall have joy,
and again in the flesh I
shall see God.
11 And Eve, his wife,
heard all these things and was glad, saying: Were it not for OUR
transgression WE never should have had seed,
and never should have known good
and evil, and the joy of OUR redemption, and the eternal life which God
giveth unto ALL the obedient.
Like
I said, I used to think that Eve was setting Adam straight with his comments
about “me, I, me.” But Now I think that Adam was teaching about one side of a
profound principle. Which is that when I stand in judgement before God I will
stand alone with my Savior. Salvation is personal. There is no parent, child,
spouse, or friend who is responsible for my choices, thoughts, and actions. It
is me, and mine alone. The second article of faith teaches us that we will be
punished for our own sins and no one else’s, Adam’s or otherwise. We are alone
in our accountability. No one makes us feel or do anything. Our joy and our
transgressions are our own.
And
yet, in the very next moment Eve gives us the opposite and equally important
truth. She points us to the interconnection of all things. We do not get to
heaven alone. She teaches us about the “We, us, and ours”. It is through our
service to each other that we learn and grow. It is my brothers and sisters
that lift me up. The plan of salvation is a plan of families, united, for all
eternity. It is linking all mankind together. Too often we have a false sense
of separation between ourselves and others. In fact, there is no ”other”. There
is only US. Zion is the pure and one in heart. Eve is inviting us to see what
she sees; our oneness and that we are only whole before God when we care for
each other.
These
are not mutually exclusive truths. Adam and eve’s teachings are in perfect
harmony with each other, and we have to live them out in our hearts in balance.
Both the individual and the collective.
Another
powerful example of femininity is Mary, the mother of Christ. When I think of
her, I think about her resilience. Sometimes I think about the shame and the
ridicule that the world and her community may have directed towards her, a
young woman pregnant out of wedlock. In Luke we hear her say, “Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me
according to thy word.”
And I wonder how many
times she repeated those words to herself in moments of trial through the years.
She knew her work was a sacred work. She knew who Christ was and therefore no
matter what the world said about her she did not falter and did not turn away
from him. She had been called to care for the Son of God. And she did. To the
very end. Whatever criticism or names she was called, and I am sure she was
called them all, she stayed true to Christ.
I believe that Mary asks us to do the same. No matter
what names the world calls us, no matter what shame may come our way, we have
an example in Mary to never falter and never doubt that Jesus is the Christ. Her
resilience astounds me.
I often think of what it took for her to stay at the
foot of the cross. We know she never left her son. I cannot imagine the trauma
burned into her mind witnessing the crucifixion. I know a little of PTSD and
what it must have cost her, but she was immovable. To see your child tortured
and slowly killed in such a brutal way and yet, she stayed. I am convinced that
she stayed for one reason: to comfort her son. I think about the moments when
their eyes must have met and how they must have willed each other strength. Because
Christ, fresh from Gethsemane would know with perfect empathy what she was
feeling, and in the way that only a mother can, she must have been feeling his
agony as well.
I have seen this same attribute in so many women.
Women who sit sleepless night after night with sick children. Women who will
not leave their friends to suffer alone. The ones that bring flowers and casseroles
and say, “I don’t know what to say, but I won’t leave you.” In divine femininity
I’ve seen over and over again women who never run from pain, but instead stay
when others leave.
I have been comforted so many times by my sisters. So
many in this room in fact.
Sometimes the women that give me strength are women
who lived a long time ago, and I do not even know their names.
I once went
on a pilgrimage to find the women in the book of Mormon. It was confusing to me
how underrepresented women were in the scriptures. I needed them and so I went
looking for them. It so happened that I chose this focus of my scripture study
at a time when Troy was deployed for long stretches and I was raising children alone. the most remarkable things happened to me while
I read. Captain Moroni's wife rose off the pages for me. I found her in the
blank spaces between verses and in the dates at the bottom of the page. I cross
reference dates and lengths of the wars and excursions. I counted the years she
was alone. Stories of her son Moronihah and his age compared to his father's
war time missions made me see her, not them. I felt like I could feel her cheering
me on, my sister, and my friend. It was an intense year of study and spiritual
renewal, definitely an inward journey. Again, I don’t know her name, but I
could feel her telling me, “You can do this. Trust in the Lord. I know what you
feel. I know what you fear. I know you. I know. You can do this.” I could see
her and I felt like she could see me.
Truly the ‘errand
of angels is given to women’. I have found the Wisdom of Eve in every woman
that I know. And The strength of Mary is in each of us.
Brothers and
Sisters, I do not have a definition for femininity that is sufficient. I cannot
tell you what it is, but I can tell you that it is divine. Perhaps nothing in
mortality can comprehensively list the attributes of womanhood, but I do love
the old Young Women’s theme that says we strive to embody: Faith, divine
nature, individual worth, knowledge, choice and accountability, good works, integrity,
and virtue.
I hope that
we can each draw strength from the amazing women around us. And I say these
things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment